Dream of Fire¹

Living in a large house with Troy and Kitty² across the green from a brick apartment building where John S.³ lives. There is a winding gravel drive, but there are no other buildings.

The gist of it is this: Our house somehow catches fire and slowly burns. There is nothing we can do about it. Troy calls the fire department, but they never come. By the time we barricade the rest of the house I have gone down the list in my head of what I "should" take. I am surprised and grateful to have this much time. I go outside and come back in many times. Once I run into John on his way to work (suit and briefcase). He is worried that his house (not ours) will burn down. He calls me Margie at first, then Maggie ... Maggie ... Maggie. ... His voice and his blank stare follow me as I turn and walk back into our burning house.

We sit in the livingroom and watch TV until the power finally goes out. I have an envelope with the title to my car, my birth certificate and I think one other piece of paper. Suddenly I feel a catch in my throat and start to cry; run back in my room to get Scott's stuffed octopus⁴ out of my top dresser drawer. It still has the note he wrote me stuffed inside.

Kitty's room is in the back. It is the one on fire. I thought my room was next up the hall, but after frantically running back to find my writing, as they are barricading the back hall with my dresser ... I am resigned to taking only the large green notebook which is on my bed where it usually is as the ceiling slowly drifts plaster (I was going to say "like in a dream" ...) and then crashes in on Kitty's room and my office. I instantly remember, and just as quickly forget everything stored on my computers.⁵ I am torn. I am undecided. I do not want to go. They will not let me stay. The fire department never comes. For all I know, John is still standing outside saying my name over and over. I wake up. For once I get immediately out of bed.

1. This is essentially how I wrote it down when I woke up, barring of course phrases like "the mental list in my head" which, for obvious reasons, have been excised.

2. My older stepbrother and childhood best friend, respectively. They dated in junior high and again I think in high school.

3. A vice president of a Very Large Bank with whom I went out on three dates. We remained utterly bewildered with each other the entire time.

4. Cf., "The Unfortunate Circumstance of Being Basically Alone With Your Interior World for the Better Part of a Day and Soundtracking It With Leonard Cohen's I'm Your Man."

5. This has been, also unfortunately, a recurring theme.